We all know the story of Rudolph by now and we’ve all experienced the classic claymation Rudolph The Red Nosed Reindeer that has become a staple of Christmas. You don’t need me to tell you how legendary it truly is. So let’s not rehash what we all know: Santa is a bit of a dick in this.
So instead, I decided it would be fun to follow in the footsteps of Disney’s The Jungle Book, Beauty and the Beast and the Lion King and recast Rudolph with REAL ACTORS!
Trust me! This’ll be fun!
One ground rule: Any actor from any era can be chosen. So it doesn’t need to be actors from 2017.
RUDOLPH – Michael Cera circa Superbad days. His stuttering innocence would be exactly what Rudolph needs!
CLARICE – Jodie Foster from her Disney era in the 1970s. Mostly because I’d like one of the characters to say “Clareeeeece” like Hannibal Lecter.
SAM THE SNOWMAN – James Corden would be perfect! Burl Ives sang the songs in this role and only Corden would do an updated version justice. Don’t believe me? Watch this!
SANTA – John Goodman. He has the range to be both a jolly old elf AND a dick.
MRS. CLAUS – Roseanne Barr…because…c’mon? Who doesn’t want these two back together for a one-off situation?
KIRBY THE DENTIST ELF – Johnny Galecki was MADE for this role. He could even use his Leonard character from the Big Bang Theory! Tell me this wouldn’t work???
DONNER (RUDOLPH’S DAD) – J.K. Simmons. Simmons has this innate ability to play cocky jerks but with a spin of likeability. Plus, I’d love for him to tell his reindeer wife “No. This is Man’s Work!” when she asks if she can help look for Rudolph. Compare him in Spiderman vs Donner in Rudolph.
THE ABOMINABLE SNOWMAN – BRAAAAAAAUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNN!!!!! (massive WWE wrestler if you don’t watch)
YUKON CORNELIUS – Jeff Bridges. We’ve seen him play an old weathered cowboy, Rooster Cogburn, in True Grit. We’ve seen him play an old weathered ghost hunter in R.I.P.D. Of course he can play an old weathered prospector, Yukon Cornelius!
I think with a cast like that…I’d watch that! How about you???