Rankotopia for January 19, 2011

Brought to you by crazy animals, Armageddon, iPhone beer canons and this adorable penguin of Doom.

Awhile ago back in that tender year of 2010, I had done something called Random Ranks where I take some things from the news and just go all crazy on it. Some of the stuff you’ve heard before…others are just some obscure but interesting stuff found in the ether that either made me laugh, think or go WTF!

I’ve rebranded this little quick-fire version of the Rankatron as Rankotopia: a place where news goes before the jury of me.

Speaking of juries, first up:

Cat is summoned for Jury Duty in Boston

Quote of the article:

Anna filed to have her pet disqualified from the service requirement on the grounds he is “unable to speak and understand English.”

You read that all right…an actual feline is going to be considered for jury duty. This is the most action a cat has taken a human role since Toonces (from SNL). The most ridiculous part of this entire story? The appeal was rejected! This poor kitty…as of the writing of this entry…is going to have to court, sit in a box and deal with a bunch of crap. (pause) I guess that’s not too much different than what a cat normally does doing Jury Doody. I mean, what is the court actually thinking here? I imagine when and if poor Sal (the cat’s name) goes through selection process I have to trust one of them is smart enough to look at the cat and say “C’mon…” Unless that case was against Toonces…hmmmm.

Man Sues over Mynah Bird’s Insults

 

Think about it. 😛

 

Best Quote: He says they trained the mynah bird to call him a “clueless big-mouthed idiot” every time it saw him.

Am I the only one who finds this article kinda funny? It’s really rude from other guy’s POV…but I really ask: how long would it take the neighbours to train a Mynah bird to say that? Gotta respect that much commitment.

Mammoth ‘could be reborn in four years’

It's name is Dyson.

Finally, we can have Flintstone vacuum cleaners! And um…haven’t these scientists learned ANYTHING from Jurassic Park? Does this count as the “Dead will rise again” thing from Revelations in the Bible? There’s nothing in there saying that it HAD to be God that did this. The good news is that if we pull this off, we’re just a few years away from re-forming the original cast of 90210. What? Sorry, my producer is talking to me. They’re not? Are you sure? They were pretty old in the tv show. Oh. I take that back then.

And finally, a video for you all that just makes me proud to live in a world where this can be created: